LITTLE FOX COTTAGE

This past weekend, my family & I stayed 3 nights at a beautiful cottage in Herbrandston, Milford Haven. We had the most amazing time and I've come home feeling all cosy, relaxed & in the most autumnal mood! It was a 70th birthday present to my lovely nan, she enjoyed every minute & loved having all her family around her. When we arrived we had a tour of the cottage and myself, Lloyd & Ezra nabbed the best room! 

 

The cottage had three bedrooms and every one had an ensuite with robes and slippers! 

 

My little cousin, Brandon, was busting to get in the hot tub from the moment we all arrived & I was frequently pulling Ezra away from the edge because he wanted to get in so we decided to get into our bikinis & swim shorts straight away and crack open the wine & ciders and start the holiday properly! (Yes, I did have a spray tan beforehand!) We turned the temperature right down before letting Ezra get in & he loved it!

We all cuddled up in our robes & slippers and I got Ezra into his halloween babygrow & we had a few drinks and my mam got a curry going! It was so nice to just relax and spend some time together, I loved every minute! After we had food, Ezra was shattered so I put him down & thankfully we'd brought the monitors with us so we could relax downstairs in the hot tub & see that he was okay. Lloyd & I were the first ones to go to bed as of course we knew we would be up with the baby at 7. We had the best sleep ever & spent the majority of the weekend saying how much we need to get a super-king sized bed! 

My little ghost didn't wake us up until 7:45 so we went downstairs and had a chilled morning on the sofas catching up on the X Factor. My mam made us bacon rolls & we just enjoyed having a lazy sunday morning!

 My mam had booked a table for sunday lunch at 2pm so we all showered & got changed to go out. 

EZRA ALL READY FOR AUTUMN

 We went to The Harbourmaster on Milford Haven Marina and had an amazing roast! We had a little stroll afterwards and just enjoyed the view. I really love it down Milford Haven, especially along the marina, I always get a warm feeling when I'm there as we spent some time down there back in August with Lloyd's parents and I just have good memories of being there with the people closest to me! Lloyd could only stay one night as he had to be back for work Monday so we went back to the cottage so he could grab his stuff & sadly had to say bye! Sunday night we ordered a pizza and sprawled out on the sofas with the log fire going & watched Sunday's X Factor.

On Monday, we went to a place called Brooksgrove Farm as they have a pumpkin patch & allow you to pick your own pumpkins! I had been hunting online for places to go to pick your own pumpkins and there aren't many places in South Wales that allow you to pick your own any more so when I found this farm 15 minutes away from the cottage & saw the patch was opening this Monday it just seemed meant to be! 

It was so amazing & I felt so autumnal and excited for halloween afterwards! I got Lloyd a large pumpkin, a medium one for me & a little baby one for Ezra so we can carve a little family of pumpkins. I absolutely loved it & made a promise that we would make the trip down every year to do it, I was just sad that Lloyd wasn't with us as I know he would've loved it but we will continue the tradition next year! On the way back to the cottage we stopped for a pub lunch (one of my favourite things ever) & I got what I always get if it's homemade - lasagne! We got back to the cottage, put our pyjamas on and just relaxed. The following morning we were up early packing ready to leave. We were all gutted that our stay had come to an end but we enjoyed every moment! We had breakfast at a cafe on the marina, called Foam, and it was delicious! 

EZRA'S FIRST BABYCINO

 It was such a lovely mini break for this time of year and I feel so refreshed & excited for the next few months! Little fox cottage, we will definitely be back next year!

Amber xo

THE BIG 30

EZRA 12TH SEPTEMBER 2016

This isn't really a 'mum & baby' post, but I want to document all of our memories & special times on here! This week my lovely partner, Lloyd, turned 30! It was his birthday on the 13th so the Friday before we went over my Mam's boyfriend's house for drinks & they treated us to a chinese! Ezra loves to sit on the bike every time we go up! haha! 

 On the Saturday we went out for a meal with our friends & their kids to celebrate. It was so lovely to have us all together - everyone is so busy with work, children and life in general it can be so difficult for us to find the time to get together as a group so we really made the most of it! 

THE HANDSOME BIRTHDAY BOY

 

EZRA & OLIVIA

EZRA & UNCLE STU

We got Lloyd a ninja turtle cake because the boys are all nicknamed after each turtle - they even have a group chat called 'we are the turtles' - I know I can't believe they're all in their 30s either! hahaha! As we were down in Blackwood which is where Lloyd & all of our friends live - me & Ezra live around 30 minutes away - we decided the best thing to do would be to stay at Lloyd's house that night and I also had a bridesmaids dress fitting at Laura's house the next day so it didn't make much sense to drive back to Aberdare. I have obviously stayed at Lloyd's a lot since we've been together but I only stay if Ezra is with my mother or at his father's so this was his first time to stay over! Lloyd's parents were kind enough to lend us their travel cot because I am an idiot and couldn't fathom how to collapse my mam's travel cot and get it in my car! Ezra was amazing, he slept in our room in the cot and only woke once because he lost his dummy - I was one proud mama! We spent the sunday chilling on the sofa & watching films. Ezra made himself at home, he was crawling all over the place & exploring! I went to make us breakfast and came back in & Lloyd was lying on the sofa doing his sudoku on his phone & Ezra was lying with his head resting on his shoulder watching what he was doing & they were chatting! My heart literally melted!! It means everything to me that Lloyd is so good with Ezra and now he's getting older he is responding to him with smiles when he sees him & he reaches out for him and is showing affection back - it's so lovely to see! They see each other almost every day and I have loved watching how much their relationship has developed the past 4 months & the growing bond they have between them is so special. 

At 4 on Sunday, me & Ezra left Lloyd's and we went over Laura's to have a bridesmaid dress fitting! It was really successful and Laura & Stu picked 'the' dresses! I am so excited for this wedding, they're getting married 20th August next year & Lloyd is also an usher. Laura & Stu are the reason me & Lloyd even met so it's so special to us that we get to be a part of our best friends' wedding and they're the ones who introduced us! 

On Monday, Ezra & I got up early and went to town to get some bits to decorate the house ready for Lloyd's birthday! 

 

He came to my house after he finished work and was so grateful bless him! After I put Ezra to sleep we had tea and watched a film in bed. He then had me up at 6am before he went to work the next morning so he could open his cards before he went! Ezra had gotten me up 3 times through the night so I could hardly open my eyes!! haha! He had his cards from me, Ezra & my family and I gave him one of his presents from us.

He was so chuffed! He went to work and I had another surprise up my sleeve! Ezra's Nanna has him on a Tuesday so she dropped him home a little earlier and we headed down to Lloyd's parents house. Lots of his family were there so we had a lovely evening catching up & Ezra was passed around for cuddles & played with the kids! Lloyd's sister-in-law made him a cake so we sang happy birthday to him - Ezra ate a whole slice!! I gave Lloyd his other surprise - a PS4 - he was absolutely over the moon! I definitely got top girlfriend points for that one!! hahaa! We then came back to Aberdare and put one sleepy Ezra James to bed & Lloyd and I weren't far behind, we were shattered! 

 

So, Lloyd had a lovely birthday & it was lovely to celebrate with all our friends and family. He deserves to be spoilt and I can't wait for our night in Cheltenham a week Saturday! This weekend Ezra & I are going to Devon with the girls and their kids while Lloyd and all the boys go to Bristol to celebrate his birthday - god help the state they will all be in coming home sunday! haha! My nan is turning 70 on Tuesday so we will be doing plenty of celebrating once again and I have my first day back in university for my final year next friday! So many exciting things coming up - i could not be happier! 

Amber xo

 

SEPARATION ANXIETY

EZRA 18TH AUGUST 2016

Since Ezra was a very young baby we've both had to get used to having to spend some time apart sometimes, whether it's because Ezra is with his Dad or because I'm in uni, it's been this way since he was a few weeks old. It's understandably been very difficult for me as I'm aware my baby is not with me and miss him terribly, but Ezra has always handled it very well. I've never had any upset when he's left me and I've always thought this was because we started it so young that he is used to it! Luckily for me, we don't spend many nights apart - 4 nights in 5 weeks he spends with his Dad so it's not too disruptive to his routine and confusing to him that he is back and forth between us so much. I regularly joke to family and friends that I could walk down the street and hand Ezra over to the first person I come across and he would be quite happy to go with them! 

For the past week, I've noticed a huge change in Ezra! He will cry if I leave the room and won't stop until I come back, he is waking around 2/3am every night crying his little heart out & won't calm down unless I pick him up, he won't even go down for a nap if I'm not in the room - it's a total change of character for him! I'm finding the nights the hardest as from 6 months old I began sleep training Ezra and he's slept 12 hours since. We were co-sleeping from 3 months old but once he hit 6 months I was more of a disturbance to him at night than a comfort and on the advice of my health visitor, I cut out the night feeds and moved him into his own room. He was still having 2-3 bottles through the night so I firstly stopped these, much to Ezra's dismay, after 3 nights of screaming and no sleep for either of us, he adjusted! Once he had realised he wouldn't get milk through the night if he woke - he stopped waking for it and began sleeping through. I then moved him into a cot in his own room, and once again after 3 nights of me being up & down the landing all night he adjusted very quickly! In two weeks since I'd began sleep training, he was now sleeping through the night - I did have to use the ferber method on occasions to try and teach him to self-soothe, but we got there in the end! I was over the moon, I would put Ezra to bed at 6:30 and I wouldn't hear a peep out of him until 7am the next day! My partner, Lloyd, began to stay over sometimes at this point as Ezra was now out of my bed and sleeping soundly all night. 

The past week this has all changed and Ezra is now getting us up early hours to have a crying meltdown! Lloyd doesn't stay over every night but he does sometimes and I of course can't bring him into bed with us - he's 6ft 4 and built like a brick shithouse & my bed is a double bed haha! - so in order to calm him down I've been climbing into his cot with him to soothe him. If he sees me leave the room he will play hell, I have to stay with him until he falls asleep which is obviously taking a huge step back as I've taught him to self-soothe and now he's beginning to need me to fall asleep again. I don't want to do the ferber method again when Lloyd is over because he gets up to leave for work at 6:30 and I'd feel so guilty leaving Ezra to cry early hours of the morning. I also feel terrible for Ezra knowing he's going through a bit of separation anxiety and needs comfort and I'm just leaving him to cry! I've talked to my health visitor about it and she's said he's at an age now where he's noticing everything & is aware mum has left the room & they can often go through a clingy phase at this time. He's been so unlike himself this week he didn't even like that she picked him up and was whinging and reaching out for me - he's never done that with anyone before! 

So, my issue now is how I tackle this in the best way? I pulled Ezra out of nursery today & tomorrow to spend some time with him because I'm going on placement next week and I'll be leaving early to get to Newport & coming home quite late so we won't get any quality time together. We were also up from 2-5 last night so we were both absolutely exhausted this morning and needed to catch up on sleep! My thoughts is to just comfort him as much as I can and hope that this is another phase he will just grow out of. I don't think I can leave him to cry and take a more firm approach, as he gets himself in a serious state in the night - it's as if he wakes up and panics that he's on his own! As exhausting as it is, a part of me loves that my boy needs me so much and seeing the relief and calm wash over his face when I snuggle him into me when he's upset.

It's difficult feeling like we've taken a step back as far as our sleeping routine goes, but I suppose it's just a testament to how strong and unbreakable the bond between myself & my beautiful boy is! 

Amber xo

TIME FLIES WHEN YOU'RE HAVING FUN

I don't think anyone truly realises how fast time goes until they have children. The amount of times I shrugged it off when I was hearing once again during my pregnancy how fast the time goes, how quickly they grow up, how you should treasure every moment - even the sleepless nights - because you wake up one day and they're not babies anymore! Well bloody hell were they right. 

EZRA 1 HOUR OLD

 In 4 days my baby will be 9 months old and I quite literally cannot fathom where the past 9 months have gone and how on earth my little 8lb 4 & a half newborn has turned into this handsome, funny, crawling little monkey. I will admit I am one of those mothers that gets emotional at the next milestone & the thought of his 1st birthday lurking in 3 months makes me feel quite sick! Ezra crawled for the first time just over a week ago and my reaction was to firstly shreak in delight at how clever and amazing this baby I had created was, to then feel as though I wanted to burst into tears that yes, we had once again reached another super exciting milestone and another reminder that my baby was growing up! I truly hope this is just 'first baby problems' because I can't cope with having this ache in my womb when I have more babies that I get every time Ezra learns something new and another month passes and I see my baby growing up into a little boy. My hormones are clearly all over the place and I definitely need to pull myself together & get out of this 'broody' phase which I'm sure will make an exit pretty quickly once we hit the terrible twos! I just love being a mother, it's something I'd never given too much thought about before and never something I thought was 'me.' I had in fact always said I wasn't bothered about having children when I was younger, I was never the one to coo over a baby in the pram or be desperate to hold the new baby in the family - I had just thought I wasn't very maternal. Now that I am a mother and I have my beautiful son, it is the best title and role that I will ever have in my life. It has changed me as a person for the better; my perspective on the world is different, my capability to love and of course my patience! I loved being pregnant, and although it was horrendous at the time, for some strange reason I can't wait to get to experience giving birth again - I felt like superwoman afterwards and the rush of love and hormones that are coursing through your body I'd just never felt anything like it. 

CHRISTMAS EVE 2015

EZRA 6 WEEKS OLD

I suppose I'm yearning for the early days when Ezra was teeny, tiny, rather than bursting to have another as the sleepless nights are not something I'm eager to return to in a hurry! My partner is turning 30 in a couple of weeks so we joke regularly that his 'biological clock' is ticking. He can't wait to have children & I think being around Ezra and spending so much time with him has completely opened up his eyes to being a parent! He sees the food up the wall, the poo explosions, the 3am wake up calls when teething strikes, then the 6:30 wake up call and we're up for the day, me losing the plot because I have a pile of washing and ironing up to the ceiling, the house is a tip, Ezra's whinging and I haven't washed my hair for a few days (he's seriously a saint) - like I tell him regularly, Ezra is the best contraception I've ever had, never will I miss a depo injection haha! - but he also sees the moments of pure love and adoration between me & Ezra, the cuddles first thing in the morning, the 'milestones' that he's gotten to be there for, and the smiles and giggles and I know he can't wait to expand our little family one day & I truly look forward to sharing that with him in the future. But for right now, we're enjoying every moment with Ezra (with me quietly blubbering in the background) and although it's hard seeing your baby grow up, it's amazing too and I can't wait for the many milestones we have ahead of us. You will forever be my baby, Ezra James.

Amber xo 

MY BABY NOW

FIRST POST

I'm finally getting around to writing my first blog post! This is something I've been wanting to do for a long time & life has just been so busy and hectic over the past few months that I just haven't had the time to get around to it. I'm obsessed with reading blogs, watching vlogs and am incessantly scrolling my instagram feed so it made sense to start my own blog to document my daily musings as a new mother! 

I am a 22-year-old mum to my darling almost 8-month-old, Ezra, and I'm about to begin my final and fourth year of my law degree in September. I have sort of been waiting for life to return to some sense of normalcy for the past few months before I made an effort to start blogging, but life is never the way it once was after you have babies - but it does change for the best! I found the first few months extremely difficult, which I know most mums can relate to, nothing could've ever prepared me for how extreme the exhaustion was during that time and I regularly asked myself on a daily basis what the hell had I gotten myself into! I will never try to portray motherhood as glamorous or perfect because I would be lying and I want my posts to be an honest account of my life as a new parent. Let's face it, having a baby is hard! Some days I find myself watching the clock until Ezra's bedtime, and then as soon as he's sound asleep in his cot, I find myself going into his room to watch him sleep because I miss him already. It's the most tiring, challenging job in the world, but the most rewarding, amazing one too, and I never knew I could love so deeply until I laid eyes on my little boy.

I wanted my first post to shed a little light on my story and background before I document mine and Ezra's days together, and any posts about weaning and sleep training! Ezra was born on the 19th November 2015; two days before his due date. I had mild pre-eclampsia so was given a couple of sweeps in the days leading up to my due date to see if things would start themselves off on their own! Lucky for me, at 7:30am on the 18th November 2015 I woke up to mild contractions. By the time I got to the hospital around 11am I was 4cm dilated and in active labour - the next 20 hours were a bit of a blur as I had all the pain relief i could get my hands on after they put me on the drip because I wasn't making any more progress and at 7:14am the following morning, my handsome boy entered the world! He didn't have the best start as he was in distress and had ingested meconium during delivery and wasn't breathing. Ezra was limp and blue and I could see the worried looks on everyones faces, and as he was whisked off to be resuscitated I honestly thought he wasn't going to make it. It was the most terrifying moment of my life, luckily, 10 minutes later a doctor came in to confirm that he had pinked up and was breathing fine! I finally got to hold my beautiful son and he was worth every pain. 

Before Ezra was born, I had gone through an extremely sad, difficult and heartbreaking time in my life. Two months before Ezra was born, myself and his dad separated. It was something I never thought would happen during my pregnancy, but things came crashing down pretty quickly. I was hurt & devastated and it was a dark time that I never thought I'd get out of. I just didn't know how I was going to do this on my own, I had never lived by myself before and I had 8 weeks to go until Ezra was due to arrive. When I saw Ezra for the first time, everything that had happened went out of my mind and I found this inner strength I didn't even know I had to pick myself up and keep going for this little boy. In the first few weeks after he was born, I was still understandably heartbroken and although Ezra was the best thing to ever happen to me, that time in my life was really difficult for me & I didn't know if I'd ever recover from it. Thankfully, I did recover from it. I didn't want to live that way anymore, I wanted to be happy, I wanted to move on and I wanted to give Ezra a happy mother who loves life. I realised the only person that could give him that was me. I couldn't change what had happened in the past, and I couldn't change what was happening then, all I could do was accept that it is what it is and start focusing on myself again. Over time, things started to completely change, I was becoming myself again and everyone around me could see it. My closest friends in uni would say to me, "you're the old amber again", and it felt amazing to hear it. Time is a healer, as long as you use the time wisely. Then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks, that I was actually over it, I had no emotions invested in that situation or person anymore and it no longer made me sad. I had moved on. I was pretty content with life being just me and Ezra and I was in no way looking for a relationship, he was still only a couple of months old and I just didn't feel like I had time for that anyway.

Shortly after I had come to this decision, one of my best friends from uni phoned me one evening and said she wanted me to meet one of her fiance's friends as she thought we'd really hit it off. I laughed it off and thought nothing of it. To cut a long story short, we met each other and instantly clicked. I seriously fancied him and didn't stop laughing the whole time we spent together. After many dates & a few months, this amazing man is now my boyfriend. He has the kindest heart and continues to surprise me every day with how selfless he is. He's always making me laugh and thinks I'm the funniest person he's ever met, he is constantly cuddling me and being affectionate and he will say the sweetest things totally out of the blue. He has met Ezra and thinks he's the coolest little dude ever and takes the responsibility of being in his life very seriously. He's become my best friend and I just can't believe my luck that I found him. I can now say that everything happens for a reason and I'm thankful that I had to go through what i did because I wouldn't be the person and mother that I am today and I wouldn't have met and fallen for this incredible man. Ezra's father and I have come along way as far as our co-parenting relationship goes and we're in a really good place now, which makes me really happy, because I don't believe a child can ever be too loved and I'm truly thankful he has both of his parents in his life.

The biggest thing I've learned about motherhood is putting your child's needs and happiness first, always.

Amber xo